Don't Try to Have the Birth You Want

When we say we are going to 'try' to do something, really we are telling ourselves we are going to give it a go but probably won't be able to do it. This is a problem for labour as our subconscious brain (where our birthing brain is situated) is programmed to keep us safe and it's primary job is survival. If we don't fully believe the birth we want is the one that will take place, our subconscious is pretty good at making sure it doesn't happen (self-sabotage anyone?)

You need to go all in and fully immerse yourself in the birth you want to have:

Visualise it

Draw it

Talk about it

Plan for it

Make all your decisions based around it

Now I know what you are thinking "But what if it doesn't work out like that? What if I feel like I've failed if I don't get the birth that I've planned for?"

I'll be honest, birth can be unpredictable. Who knows what will happen on the day? Not me and certainly not you. But think of how many other situations we plan for what we want to happen and focus on the best case scenarios - wedding day, holidays, birthday plans, girly weekends away. I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say they are going to try and have a nice time on their holiday to Barbados or that they are going to try to make sure their wedding is a happy event! We set ourselves up for how amazing these events are going to be and then deal with any issues as they come up.

This is why I always recommend writing 3 birth plans.

a. Your ideal birth

b. An alternative birth which is dependant on your 1st choice. This may be a hospital birth, induction, epidural etc.

c. Caesarean birth plan.

Plans b and c you can put away once you have written them and not think about again unless you need them. Remember these are your back up, not your plan a. Having different options planned out in advance takes the stress and lack of control out of your birth changing course. It is ok to feel disappointed if you don't end up having your home birth or unmedicated labour, but you will get over it in time. Feeling safe and in control reduces the likelihood of birth trauma which is much harder to deal with, especially when you have a new born.

So stop focussing on what you don't want to happen and put your energy into what you do want. Thinking in this way prepares your brain to expect your dream birth scenario and will in turn boost your oxytocin when the big day arrives!